Sex requires getting naked and being vulnerable with another human being (or multiple beings if that’s what you’re into.) Bearing everything can be a fun yet intimidating experience. We’re told that there is only one way to be sexy, and if we deviate from the picture-perfect image the media shoves down our throat, then we feel inadequate. Whether it’s putting on a bodycon dress for a date or trying something new in the bedroom, there are a plethora of things that make us self-conscious about our sensuality. Ladies, are bodies are immaculate, so let’s treat them like the art that they are. Here are 6 things in bed you need to stop apologizing for and start celebrating asap:
1) Being hairy and scary
Companies profit off of our insecurities by making us spend billions of dollars on razors, creams, waxes, shave gels and more. It isn’t fair. Women often feel forced to give off the illusion that the hair that’s naturally supposed to sprout from our pores doesn’t exist, all for men who barely groom themselves in return. Don’t get me wrong. If keeping it neat down there or even going bald makes you feel sexier, do what makes you feel confident. However, even after chopping down the forest, women can still sometimes feel uneasy. Stop worrying about missing a spot, razor bumps, the speckles of regrowth on your legs, or the unconventional ‘monsters’ emerging from your chest. (And yes, it is perfectly normal to get hair on your chest and many other ‘non-ladylike’ areas.)
Body hair is a natural part of being a mammal. Anyone that expects you to be hairless as a prepubescent girl should go date a naked mole rat. Someone who loves your body is going to accept it unconditionally, fur and all. Besides, I heard Amber Rose is bringing bushes back.
2) Your body being anything less than Beyoncé’s
Stop worrying about your rolls, lack of breasts, or that angle that brings out your double chin. It’s time to turn off your insecurities and turn on the lights so he can see how magnificent your body really is. They say there is no such thing as a perfect body, but yours is because it’s yours. We all have things we’d like to change, but sexuality is a chance to celebrate our bodies, not put them down.
Here’s my cardinal rule: if he wants to have sex with you or is having sex with you, he’s most likely already physically attracted to you.
Right in the middle of when things start getting hot and heavy, you hear the loudest least sexy sound erupt from your orifice. No, you didn’t just fart, but you’re embarrassed regardless because it feels like one. You shouldn’t be. If this guy has had sex before or at least has a solid sexual education, he’s probably heard a queef before. In fact, he’s probably heard plenty because it’s totally normal. Vagina toots are hilarious, so instead of being embarrassed, use them as a funny and sexy way to get comfortable with each other by easing the tension. Or if you can’t celebrate it, just laugh it off and keep it moving.
4) A smell that’s not so rosy
Our biggest irrational fear is that the guy we’re into is secretly making jokes behind our backs about how terrible we smell down there. It’s tempting to buy the fruitiest floral soap on the market and scrub the smell away. However, 9 times out of 10 you never smelled in the first place. Your vagina is not supposed to smell like citrus or lavender; it’s supposed to smell like pussy. Febreezing it with douches or douche style products is not going to trick him into thinking it’s anything else. I suggest you embrace your natural odor because if you don’t, using these products (especially incorrectly) is going to set off your ph balance. If this happens, instead of smelling like lavender you’re going to end up smelling more like a seafood buffet. Then he’s definitely going to think that there’s something fishy going on with you.
All jokes aside, if you notice that your scent has a fish-like odor or is unusual in comparison to how you normally smell, don’t freak out. You aren’t outlierishly dirty; tons of women have vaginal issues throughout their lifetime. There are a billion things that can set off your ph balance, so go check it out with your doctor.
5) Your vagina looks like roast beef, (or whatever self-deprecating joke about the way it looks that you need to stop thinking immediately)
Vaginas are like snowflakes; no two are alike. Just because yours doesn’t look like a porn star’s doesn’t mean it’s not cute. He’s overjoyed that he gets to see it at all, so I’m sure he’s not concerned with how long your left labia is or how big your clitoris is while he’s inside of you. Do you think guys are concerned with how “cute” their genitalia is for you? Exactly, so try not to feel pressured by the patriarchy to have a cookie cutter vag.
6) Your grandma bonnet/head scarf
In the movies, women fall asleep in the arms of their lovers with a full face of makeup and flowy luxurious bundles. This fantasy is dangerous to try to keep up with because Black girls need to sleep with a bonnet to protect their hair from being damaged. If he’s been with a Black girl before then he’s probably seen one before. If he hasn’t then, educate him; no one should never make you feel embarrassed for being black, and wearing a headscarf at night is part of the African American experience. Anyone that makes you feel bad for this isn’t worth you losing your edges over. Plus, I think bonnets actually look pretty cute. They show a sense of vulnerability. What’s sexier than being authentic while also ensuring that you keep a full head of healthy hair?
I know you want your body to live up to a fantasy, but trust me, real bodies are sexy bodies. Embrace your realness and live in your truth in all aspects of your life, especially sex. After all, it’s supposed to be fun, right? So, have fun.